I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Randomize
