see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
