Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Randomize
