I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Drunk is a universal language darling
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
