but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
