When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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