The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
accomplished twins. life is a go
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
