Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Randomize
