she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
