I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
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