help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
