why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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