she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
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