P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
