i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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