Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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