I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
