sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
