I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
