Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
