The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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