I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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