I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
