tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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