I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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