she smelled like a LAN party
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
