Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
