so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
