dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
