I molested 6 butterflies tonight
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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