We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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