people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
