Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
