I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
