Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
