oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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