you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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