is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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