If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
