shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
