I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
