u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
