I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
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