My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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