just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
vagina is talking i cant
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
