Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I can't turn off my feet"
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
