Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
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