I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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