I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
