I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I just want to make out with him forever
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
