Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I am mentally ready for anal.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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