A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Someone signed my nipple.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
