its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
